CAGING THE BEAST

ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO, I FOUND MYSELF IN A BAD PLACE. I GOT TO A POINT IN MY LIFE WERE I WAS JUST FILLED WITH AN INCREDIBLE RAGE. I DID NOT LIKE WERE I WAS LIVING, I HAVE NO PRIVACY, AND WAS SURRONDED BY PEOPLE THAT DID NOT RESPECT ME. I TOOK THE LOVE OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO PULL ME BACK FROM THE ABYSS. THE FOLLOWING IS FROM THAT VERY EXPERINCE. HOPEFULY YOU CAN LEARN FROM THIS AND NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID.

LATELY I HAVE BEEN TROUBLED, WITH THE WAY I FEEL SOMETIMES. FOR THOSE THAT KNOW ME I AM, A VERY CARING, PASSIVE, AND GOOD NATURED PERSON. BUT I FEEL, AND FEAR SOMETHING WITHIN ME HAS CHANGED. I DON'T FEEL MYSELF GETTING DARKER, BUT JUST EVIL. EVERYBODY KNOWS I HAVE A DARK SENSE OF HUMOR, BUT LATELY I WOULD SAY SOMETHING JOKINGLY, AND THEN BE SHOCKED OF WHAT I JUST UTTERED OUT. ME, SHOCKED. THAT IS NOT EVEN THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG, JUST THE OTHER DAY I WENT TO THE MOVIES BY MYSELF. I WAS GETTING READY TO ENJOY A FILM, WHEN THIS WOMAN REFUSED TO SHUT UP BEHIND ME. WITH PEOPLE CONSTANTLY SHUSHING HER BUT TO NO AVAIL SHE WOULD TELL THEM TO SHUT UP. AFTER 15 MINUTES OF HER BEING LOUD, I GOT UP STOOD ON MY SEAT I PUT MY HANDS ON HER ARMREST AND WHISPERED IN HER EAR "I YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR F*CKING TRAP, I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN". WHAT THE F*CK WAS I THINKING, I ME THREATEN HARM TO A CHILD, BECAUSE I WANTED A WOMAN TO BE QUITE. THAT IS NOT LIKE ME AT ALL. I ALSO FIND MYSELF BEING MORE OF AN AGGRESSOR AS OF LATE. IF SOMEONE IS BEING RUDE OR DISRESPECTFUL TO ANYONE I WILL GET IN THEIR FACE, CALL THEM ON IT AND MAKE THEM APOLOGIZE, WHILE TRYING TO LOOK AS MENACING AS POSSIBLE. ANOTHER TIME WAS WALKING DOWN A NARROW HALL WAY, AND TWO MEN WERE COMING FROM THE OTHER DIRECTION. INSTEAD OF MAKING ENOUGH ROOM FOR ALL, HE SHOULDER CHECKED ME, AND TOLD ME TO WATCH WHERE I WAS GOING. I GROWLED AND SNARLED AT HIM, I TOOK ONE STEP TOWARDS HIM AND HE CHANGED HIS ATTITUDE QUICKLY, THEN SAID HE WAS SORRY AND RAN LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. I FEEL LIKE BRUCE BANNER TRYING TO CONTAIN THE MONSTER WITHIN. I HAVE BEEN TRYING EVERYTHING TO RELEASE THE RAGE WITHIN. I HAVE BEEN WRITING, WORKING OUT, SHARING MY FEELINGS WITH OTHERS, AND ABOVE ALL PRAYING. AM I LOSING IT? AM I JUST SO FED UP WITH PEOPLE, AND AM I LOSING FAITH IN HUMANITY AS A WHOLE? I JUST FEAR THE ONE, SOME OF YOU KNOW AS LEVIATHAN IS FIGHTING TO CONTROL ME, AND OF THIS HAPPENS I FEAR WHAT I WILL DO. UNTILL THEN I WILL BE CAGING THE BEAST WITHIN TO SAVE MY HUMANITY.

KEEP YOU ANGER IN CHECK! I KNOW IT'S HARD SOMETIMES, BUT YOU CAN'T LET IT CONTROL YOU OR YOURLIFE. I KNOW SOME PEOPLE WILL PISS YOU OFF IN WAYS YOU CAN'T YET IMAGEN, BUT DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU. TRY USING SOME OF THE METHODS I USED TO HELP MYSELF GET AWAY FROM MY INNER DEMONS YOU MAY HURT YOUSELF, YOURLOVED ONES, OR SOME POOR INNOCENT PERSON CAUGHT IN YOUR WAKE. I KNOW THERE ARE ALOT OF SH*TTY PEOPLE OUT THERE BUT IF WE DON'T WATCH IT WE WILL BECOME ONE OF THE ANGER SH*THEADS THAT MOST PEOPLE DESPISE. ALSO RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS GO A LONG WAY. SMILE AT SOMEONE WHEN YOU WALK BY, WHEN YOU MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH SOMEONE SAY HI, OPEN A DOOR FOR SOMEONE, ALWAYS REMEMBER TO SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU IF ANYONE DOES ANYTHING FOR YOU EVEN IF IT'S THEIR JOB. IF SOMEONE YOU SEE IS HAVING A HARD TIME OR TROUBLE, HELP THEM OUT ANYWAY YOU CAN. REMEMBER YOU MAY NEED HELP ONE DAY YOURSELF, OR MAYBE JUST NEED A KIND WORD FROM ANOTHER PERSON.

REMEMBER WHAT THE LITTLE GREEN JEDI MASTER SAID ABOUT THE DARK SIDE. "Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." -YODA

Why Mess with Emo Kids?!

OK, MOST OF YOU KNOW ME AS A PASSIVE NONE VIOLENT PERSON. I KEEP SEEING EMO KIDS BEING PICKED ON SHOVED AROUND, WHAT THE F*CK IS WITH THAT? WHAT IS PEOPLES PROBLEM WITH THAT STYLE OF DRESS/MUSIC. IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME SHIT MY FELLOW GOTHS AND I, WENT THOUGH IN THE LATE 90'S. THE WORLD AND MUSIC EVOLVES BUT PEOPLE REMAIN THE SAME. DO THE EMO KIDS JUST TAKE THIS CRAP OR FIGHT BACK. BACK IN MY HOME TOWN IF PUNK OR GOTH KIDS GOT F*CKED WITH THEY KICKED A LITTLE ASS. THE REASON I BRING THIS TOPIC UP IS I SAW MANY POST/POSTERS ABOUT THE NATIONAL PUNCH AN EMO DAY , AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF WHAT IF ONE OF THESE OPPRESSIVE MOTHER F*CKERS TOOK ME FOR AN EMO KID. IMAGEN SOME FRAT BOY/JOCK CAME UP AND SOCKED ME ONE SAYING SOME SHIT LIKE " FU*KIN EMO"? NOT ONLY WOULD GIVE THEM AN EDUCATION ON THE DIFFRENTS BETWEEN GOTH AND EMO, BUT I WOULD BEAT THEM IT TO A BLOODLY F*CKING PULP, I WOULD CARVE A T FOR "TUNA THE GOTH" IN THIER FOREHEAD WITH MY THUMB NAIL. SO, THE MESSAGE IS "DON'T BE A DICK" YOU NEVER KNOW IF YOU'LL MEET SOME ONE LIKE ME OR EVEN DRIVE SOME ONE TO COMMIT MASS MURDER BECAUSE THEY WERE PICKED ON TOO MUCH IN HIGH SCHOOL. IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF ARITA FRANKLIN AND JOHN LENNON RESPECT AND ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.